Parents & being comfortable with who you are.

Someone said something to me the other day that opened my eyes up about my parents. I wish I had it word for word to tell you but I cannot recall it clearly.

It made me realize something I don't like about my parents. There are parts of them I love. My mom was a great cook and outgoing. My Dad was wise, smart, calm, timid, modest...

Something made me realize one reason why they were perfect for eachother. As children they were both told by their parents that they were no good; no bodies.

My mother rebelled a retreated.

My father stayed and lost who he was. From then on he didn't like himself. He could never become anything because he never thought he could; he never believed in himself enough. He found religion and to try to find a part of him that is good because he needed some other bigger parent like "God" to reassure him that he is good; he has reason. He wasn't comfortable to be himself and find people to except who he really truely is. Instead, he didn't know himself and had to, for his sake, to follow. He became a husband and a father, which I'm sure he thought he could never do. But now his children are moved out and his mariage is breaking, like it has been for over 10 years.

If my father saw what I wrote, I might be wrong on somethings possibly, but not far from the truth anyway...

On another topic, sometimes I feel as if I have no friends. But I think of those people who put up with me and love me and it is enough. Everyone wants to have a lot of friends but I think how many I have is the right amount for me. I'm not much of a partier. I just like to hang out, talk and play a game or something. I would love to find someone to jam with again. I miss my friend who I used to jamm with. I need that again. I miss singing infront of people. I just want to sing. Sometimes I wish I could marry some singers voices. I understand why Odysseus was so attracted by those Sirens. I need to be strong like Orpheus and win like the Muses. The Muses won a bet and plucked all of the Sirens feathers out to make crowns. They showed them who the true talent is! Man I miss singing..I`m siiiick. bllaahhh... I can`t sing right when I`m siick.

I have to more accepting of myself too and let whoever accept who I am. That`s always a challenge on account that we all put masks on at some point of the day. I shall do my best for my sake.


Pics of the day:

 I wish writing music was this easy.

 And here is something for you to go all `Daaaaaaawwwww!!`at.

snoogin

Land"lord" aka mofoken Landdevil & Nooch

I didn't really want this to be a place for complaints and to vent of times when I'm down but I need to get it down somewhere; get it out of my head.

It's as if as soon as 2011 came so many things happened just popped and all I could do is cry-worry-and get over whelmed.

First an extremely close family member of mine is ill. I can't imagine loosing them. I think about it all the time...I love them so much. It's insane.

My landlord was practicly kicking my man and I out and it turns out that our rent is almost going up to almost $100. So we have to find another place before Feb 1.

And I'm filming 3 films within 3 months. Fuckin stupid man. Just stupid. Well, no. I enjoy doing all of it it's just so much to do...with everything else going on.

Crazy man. This world is just...crazy. I don't so much fear it. I just don't understand sometimes. It's so odd.

Ups and downs. Ups and downs. Life is a ride.

Thank you Bill Hicks.

You are a prince.

This is how I feel.

This is to Nooch. a lolz for yous.

snoogin