Parents & being comfortable with who you are.

Someone said something to me the other day that opened my eyes up about my parents. I wish I had it word for word to tell you but I cannot recall it clearly.

It made me realize something I don't like about my parents. There are parts of them I love. My mom was a great cook and outgoing. My Dad was wise, smart, calm, timid, modest...

Something made me realize one reason why they were perfect for eachother. As children they were both told by their parents that they were no good; no bodies.

My mother rebelled a retreated.

My father stayed and lost who he was. From then on he didn't like himself. He could never become anything because he never thought he could; he never believed in himself enough. He found religion and to try to find a part of him that is good because he needed some other bigger parent like "God" to reassure him that he is good; he has reason. He wasn't comfortable to be himself and find people to except who he really truely is. Instead, he didn't know himself and had to, for his sake, to follow. He became a husband and a father, which I'm sure he thought he could never do. But now his children are moved out and his mariage is breaking, like it has been for over 10 years.

If my father saw what I wrote, I might be wrong on somethings possibly, but not far from the truth anyway...

On another topic, sometimes I feel as if I have no friends. But I think of those people who put up with me and love me and it is enough. Everyone wants to have a lot of friends but I think how many I have is the right amount for me. I'm not much of a partier. I just like to hang out, talk and play a game or something. I would love to find someone to jam with again. I miss my friend who I used to jamm with. I need that again. I miss singing infront of people. I just want to sing. Sometimes I wish I could marry some singers voices. I understand why Odysseus was so attracted by those Sirens. I need to be strong like Orpheus and win like the Muses. The Muses won a bet and plucked all of the Sirens feathers out to make crowns. They showed them who the true talent is! Man I miss singing..I`m siiiick. bllaahhh... I can`t sing right when I`m siick.

I have to more accepting of myself too and let whoever accept who I am. That`s always a challenge on account that we all put masks on at some point of the day. I shall do my best for my sake.


Pics of the day:

 I wish writing music was this easy.

 And here is something for you to go all `Daaaaaaawwwww!!`at.

snoogin

Land"lord" aka mofoken Landdevil & Nooch

I didn't really want this to be a place for complaints and to vent of times when I'm down but I need to get it down somewhere; get it out of my head.

It's as if as soon as 2011 came so many things happened just popped and all I could do is cry-worry-and get over whelmed.

First an extremely close family member of mine is ill. I can't imagine loosing them. I think about it all the time...I love them so much. It's insane.

My landlord was practicly kicking my man and I out and it turns out that our rent is almost going up to almost $100. So we have to find another place before Feb 1.

And I'm filming 3 films within 3 months. Fuckin stupid man. Just stupid. Well, no. I enjoy doing all of it it's just so much to do...with everything else going on.

Crazy man. This world is just...crazy. I don't so much fear it. I just don't understand sometimes. It's so odd.

Ups and downs. Ups and downs. Life is a ride.

Thank you Bill Hicks.

You are a prince.

This is how I feel.

This is to Nooch. a lolz for yous.

snoogin

On & Off Sleep and Ma Moleh Moleh Moleh

I'm better from my first night away from home. I'm sleeping somewhat better. I keep waking up multiple times a night though. This is annoying as fuck. It makes me tired durring the day. I don't want to take a nap because I might have a harder time getting to sleep at night. Anyhoo, we shall see tonight.

I don't know if anyone has noticed but I have a tiny mole on my face, next to my nose. I noticed a blackhead under it and decided to get it. I got it but I got my mole too. It BLED AND BLED AND BLED. My cheek was crying one long tear. What a sad lilo cheek it'was. Now I have a hole full of blood. How pretty. The morning it happened my man and I had already decided to go to the mall. I had to put a band-aid over it. I was Nelly Jr. All I could think of was the song by Nelly, "It's getting hot in here, so take off all your clothes" when ever I looked into the mirror. lol.

Pics of the day!

Merry Christmas!

And this is just funny.

snoogin

Kittie Update + XMas = Weee!

I actually can't wait until the Christmas Break and next semester of school. I can't wait to see my family. I have missed them. I'm sad I'm not going to see my oldest sister though. This semester surprisingly hasn't been as busy as the other years. Next semester is going to be freakin crazy though but I'm happy for that. It shall keep me out of the house more; doing more activities.

 It's nice that I get a chance almost every week to hang out with one of my friends that don't go to my school. Last night we went to a comedy show where a group did some skits and some improve. It was good! There were some funny parts for sure.

The cat that we are fostering has really warmed up to us. He trusts us now. He used to hate or be scared of you and hiss then run away all the time. But now he's such a sook; moewing to get attention and lovin' alls the times. He's such a handsome boy! We thought he still had balls, which ment he wasn't neutered. But I poked them, funny enough, and found out they were just puffs of empty sacks of furr. Oh well! At least we have safe of mind that he's not going to go spray his scent everywhere. He's a very behaved cat though. It the door is open, he won't attempt to dash outside.  We can all pick him up now too. I think he's back to being a normal cat. The only time that he's rough is when you are playing with him. If you stopped playing he doesn't really know that you've stopped playing, so, he might scratch you. He's finally been throughout the house. He's even been in the kitchen which he avoided for the longest time because it's the loudest and busiest room in our house. And he's good with multipule people being around. If he doesn't like something, he just goes back upstairs so he can be alone. I would like to see what he's like with kids though.  See if he's okay with them.

Anyhoo that's all for now! Here are the pics of the day:

This is basicly how they teach you at my school. Give you the basics and then throw you into the major picture for reals. Not saying that it's a bad way though...

And this is just a very pretty photo of  some balloons at an art gallery here where I am situated. It was taken by a classmate of mine. I likes it a loot.

snoogin

Handsome Hudson, The "Snitch" & The Christmas feeling

Handsome Hudson. Well, his name is Hudson, but he is OUR foster cat! YAY!! I came home to find a note saying that we have a cat! And to not let him outside!! There I was with the door wide open! I was panicing, going "oh fuck oh fuck, I let him out!!" But then after I looked throughout the house, I found him upstairs. He hissed at me when I came in and hid under my roommates bed. I layed on my belly and talked to him for a half hour. I told him how we are going to take good care of him and talked about the other people he's going to be living with. I said all good things about them to him and I told him I'm going to buy him treats. Later on I read the rest of the note saying that he was upstairs...Jeeez...I should really read all of a note before panicing. Hudson is 2 years old. He is all white except his tail! His tail is tiger striped like my cat Cleo (RIP) had. He's sucha handsome boy!! OH MY GOODNESS!

This is pretty much rewording aka copy and pasting what the add said about Handsome Hudson. He had been living inside a metal kennel in a busy veterinary clinic since his rescue. He spent the summer and fall indoors at the vet hospital. We had such a nice summer too! They said his winter fur is not growing in. If we didn't foster him Hudson’s destiny would have been euthanasia. He’s been traumatized by the barking dogs, hissing cats, whirring machinery and strange voices and unfamiliar smells. Last June he got hit by a car prior to being homeless, skinny and boney. He needed an environment where he could settle down and have peace and security. They said that "Even living under a bed in a quiet spare room would be better than his current circumstances." That's were he is most of the time but he's getting used to and warming up to my roommate and I. Hopefully maybe in less than a month he'll want to come down stairs and sniff/check out the place. He’s been neutered, his injuries were fixed up, and he received his vaccines and tested negative for feline disease....and HE'S A HANDSOME BOOOYYY!! OMG!

He's kind of is a hissy pissy pants because he doesn't trust humans or much of anything/anyone yet. But I can tell you can win him through food! I'm thinking about giving him tuna water. Kitties love tuna water. So, I guess I'm having Tuna tomorrow! Yay! Or maybe not... I had tuna not too long ago. We'll see! My roommate said my mans going to love Hudson because they both have something in common. They both hate humans, lol. True dat!

My roomate also surprised me again!! With A CHRISTMAS TREEEE!! And most of the trimmings! It's all most decorated. It needs some type of star or something. We have an angel but meh. The house is all puurdy with Christmas stuffs n stuffs! My mans gunna come home and he's gunna be all like "You didn't do your essay did you. You decorated the house instead." And Imma gunna be like, "Nooooo. YESSS."
lol Noo...I'll get that essay done FO SHO!!

Speaking of school. So I got accused of being a snitch at my university. I had been complaining to my friend who's a journalist for her university about all that shit that's been going on with my school. She thought it was a good story and I pointed her towards some people she could get some info from. Well since she wrote a "rude" email to one of my professors (who then forwarded it to two of my other professors) they think they can't trust me with things they say about the new building and other shit. All I can think is FUCK THE POLICE. Police as in them. FUCK. Like FUCK! SERIOUSLY? My friend read me the email she sent to them and there was one thing..ONE THING that she misunderstood or misDIDNTFUCKINKNOW OKAY! She said how she thought the building was shut down because of espesdoes. But really what happened was while they were doing renovations they found this mold and it held up the renovations, making it longer for them to finish. That's all. And now they think I'm a fuckin snitch. HELLO SHE'S NOT PAPARAZZI!! She's not tring to look for something sexy and dirty! After this happened I was like... I wanna listen to Up Up & Away by Kid Cudi. le sigh.

Anyhoo time for the pics of the day!

This is how I feel about the school situation above ^

And this is how I feel about Hansome Hudson and the Christmas Stuffs! Yay!

All somehow Star Trek related because chaknow...the shows awesome!

snoogin

Movie I Loved as a Kid, Weight Gain & Rant

Sadly my friends it looks like we're not going to foster a cat. The only animals they foster to other people are animals that are sick or pregnant. I don't really have much time for that much responsibility. Oh wells. I guess I'll just smother my cat when I get home or my mans cats when I visit the "in-laws".

I've been feeling much better lately. After finding out I wasn't chosen to make a film for my classes, I broke down and just (for fun) decided to gain some weight. Isn't that awesome? FUCK. I am running on my tredmil at least 5-6 times a week now. Goooo meeee weeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

I've re-watched one of my favorite movies as a kid. Xanadu. Before watching it, I went to IMDB.com to check out the rating it had and to my amazment it was a sad little 4.5/10. Re-watching it I quickly realized why. The screenplay for it is awful. A lot of the story doesn't really make sense and the characters arn't very developed. I was soon reminded why the one reason why I love the movie was for them awesome songs and dance numbers. " XANADU! XANADUUUUUU! NOW WE ARE HERE!! XANADUUU! NOW THAT YOU'RE HERE, NOW THAT YOUR NEAR, XANADUU!" or "DON'T WALK AWAY! DON'T SAY GOODBYE! DON'T TURN AROUND! DON'T LET IT DIE! WHEN SHADOWS FALL! WHEN DAY IS DONE! ALL THROUGH THE NIIIIIGHT!" Yah! It makes me all warm 'n' fussy inside.

I'm actually quite angry at the film program at my university. It's a tad bit of a rip off really and not very organised or thought throughly enough. First reason why is because my university is in millions and millions of dollars in debt. So, of course they don't have enough money to spread around. And since the film program is one of the most neglected programs at my university it gets the tail end of a budget. This then affects what gear, equipment and software we can get and have access to.

Second reason: The building where the film program usually is situated has been under construction since the summer. It was supposed to be finished by September. We found out less than a few weeks before school started that it wasn't going to be ready. Since the construction wasn't finished, they had to find a building that was suitable for having film classes and a proper studio to shoot in. Well, what they found was fucking crap. It was a last minute choice and a poor one. I find it rude and appauling that whoever
"okay-ed" the location has absolutely no respect for the students and the work that they might accomplish.

Third reason: The student lounge has only one working computer. Yes, we did only have one working computer in the student lounge at the old film campus BUT we had an office in which students were freely able to use various computers whenever students wanted. The student lounge has no where to really "lounge" about. There is a printer/photocopier, one working computer and a coat rack. 0O0H AHHH. We's livin' in luxury hera.

Fourth reason: The classrooms are always always always tooo freakin hot. I appreciate that we can afford emounts of heat but they don't have to cook us alive. And since there is so much traffic around the location, at times I can't even hear my professor speak!

Which bring me to the Fifth reason: The studio. The studio. The studio. The studio is not a studio; not for filming! Since the location is right next to the port, there are very loud sounds of cars, transport trucks, buses and cruise ships. This affects the filming of any film we try to shoot. It is impossible to get any good sound. Even the studio itself has piping in which everytime anyone uses the washroom, you hear the pipes squealing; litterly squealing. If it rains, you can hear it clear as day hitting the roof. This is one of the main reasons why I highly disapprove of this location. Like I said, if they had any respect and hope for the work we might accomplish, they would have picked a much better spot and would have taken much more time looking for one.

Sound is one of the main reasons why a lot of good films are great. Or even commercials and music videos! Why do you love that commercial? Why do you love that film? Why do you like that music video? Unconsiously we just think, "Man! What a great movie!" But really if you watch and listen to it you'll find the sound has nothing wrong with it and you can hear your actors clearly and you just think, "Ya, so what? There was nothing wrong with it." EXACTLY. There isn't supposed to be anything wrong with it. One good example is the film "Paranormal Activity". They used a low budget camera but had a million dollar sound track! And why is that movie sooo freakin scary as I hear it is? I guarentee you %90 the reason you were scared was because of the awesome sound track matched nicely with perposly steatchy footage.

And last but not least the Sixth reason: No 24/7 access. At our old film campus we had 24/7 access. Now it's harder to get into this building after hours.

I'm sure I'm missing other reasons but with all that said and done I am still happy I went to the university that I am in. The history classes are great. The terms and skills that I have learned from various other classes will help me in the long run. I have done things I never thought I could have done or think of doing. I have learned things I wouldn't have learned or would have taken me longer to learn in the "real world". The people I have met and liked by going to university were worth it. I just don't think that this Fourty Thousand Dollar Experence was really worth Fourty Thousand Dollars....

"DON'T WALK AWAY! DON'T SAY GOODBYE!"

Before & After photo of  "me" when I opened my email to find out that I wasn't chosen to shoot my film.



snoogin

Hair Dressers Shoes , Bdays and Kitties oh my!

Did you ever notice how hair dressers have nice shoes? Well, the hair dressers at Kara's Hair Salon do. Since it's kind of impolite to staire at your hair dresser while they are cutting your hair, what else to you look at? Peoples feet/ shoes.....or old hair crammed in a corner somewhere you think no one else can see...and you think, "I wonder how long that's been there."

I got my hair done at Kara's as a birthday present from my man. The guy did a really good job dying it. But he almost KILLED (overly exaggerated of course) me doing it! When I was young I used to cry when hair dressers would cut my hair because my scalp was sensitive. My mom would always warn the hair dressers this. As I grew up I thought that that was all bolonie. But nooope. I swear I was in pain the whole time. For three freakin hours. I was soo close to crying. I don't even think he cut my hair properly because I'm pretty sure I still have dead ends. But it looks great anyway! Maybe I just have bad luck with male hair dressers. I know better next time.

My birthday party went purdy good. My first best friend came down from another province to see me. Her girlfriend even came down too. It is always great to see them! :) Few other people came from my school too. I'm so happy they all came!! ^_^ Bowling and going dancin was fun too. We got into the bar for free because we were all students. Talk about bonus. The potlock was alright too. Had fun playing Scrabble.

This morning I got up after noon. Then my friend from another province and I went out for some light and fluffys and coffee. It was great. And for the first time I'm making special cookies. It shall be another fun night.

OH MY GOODNESS. GUESS WHAT. The house is adopting a cat! Well, fostering it for I think a month or so. I can't wait!! I love Kitties. I miss having a cat around being all like LOVE MEEE. And I'm like "OH MY GOODNESS, HAROW KITTIE. I LOVES YOUS." *snug snug snuggles* *pet pet pet* <3 <3

This is what I shall be doing tonight.

snoogin